Let Sleeping Dogs...

When someone goads you to do something, when someone tries to push every button you have... what do you do? You can give them what they want and let them effect you in the manner they are attempting, knowing it will only hurt you both more in the long run. Or... you can choose to accept the abuse as temporary and not react to it, knowing the button-pusher is acting out of pain, knowing it is best for you both.

The second is, of course, the ideal. It is a more noble concept and probably best for each individual in the long run. The problem with this "ideal"... is that more buttons get pushed. So many, in fact, that one of those buttons may be something that is shocking and so unlike what the other person is really like, that it forever changes your perception of that person. Then, whenever you see or think of that person, all you see is the button that was pushed. Then you know that they only see you as that button, and probably always have, even if they acted otherwise.

Let's throw another element into the mix. What if the other person is entitled to be angry? What if they deserve to push a few buttons? A lot of buttons? What if you might deserve to have a few buttons pushed? Does it make the abuse excusable? Probably. BUT, there is a line. A line of things that should and should not, ever, be said. The other person should know where that line is. You would hope that they care where that line is, even if they are in pain.

Then what do you do? Do you push those buttons back? Do you say the darkest things in the back of your mind? Even if you know that they cross that line? I think the answer is pretty simple. Do what you can  live with having done years from now, even if it is the hardest thing in the world to do. Do what makes you feel good about the person you are, not what makes you feel good about the amount of pain you caused someone else.

NaNoWriMo

November is National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo, as those in the know would say. The goal is to write a 50k word novel during the month of November. That breaks down to just under 1700 words per day for those of you who must know the math. The intent is not to write the next best-seller, far from it. Writers are encouraged to write and continue writing even the most horrible and pointless novels, as long as they finish. That is the goal above all else, to finish.

Why do I bring this up in mid-June? Because I am throwing down the gauntlet! I guess, since nobody reads this blog, I am also picking up said gauntlet and slapping myself in the face with it. I have several stories in the works and I have been writing to sharpen my skills and to create good writing habits. My problem is finishing stories. I finish them in my head, i know how they all end, it just never makes it to the page. It's hard for me to admit that because I think I like to pretend I'm better at that than i really am. In any case, I am participating in NaNoWriMo this year and I WILL finish a novel.

The Little Lake

Jerry and Berry were two very close friends, as close as two bloodhounds could be. Jerry loved Berry's bark and ability to sniff out the smallest morsels of food. Berry loved Jerry's way of finding the best shelter in a storm and how Berry always knew when to stop eating before they would get sick. Berry and Jerry went everywhere together, always leaning up against each other. When Jerry stopped, Berry would veer sharply to the right, having been held up by Jerry for so long. The two would come back together and Berry would then lean to the left into Jerry. One of them would stop and the other would veer. They would switch sides and continue this way until neither had a side they were more comfortable with than another. When they walked for long periods of time without veering, they sometimes no longer felt like two separate beings. This was nice. It was worth all the veering back and forth and having to switch sides to feel that comfortable.

One day, after stopping to rest for several hours. Berry jumped up and asked Jerry, "Where do you want to go next?" Jerry shot up with excitement to start the new journey, "I want to go to the river!" Berry barked with excitement and spun in a circle, ready for adventure. Jerry sat back down, "it's a little cold right now though, in a few weeks the river will be the perfect temperature." Jerry remained seated with resolve to stay put. Berry ran off a few steps and stopped, waiting for Jerry to join. Jerry didn't move. Berry ran in a large circle, tongue hanging out, taking in the sun. Berry came back to where Jerry was sitting, panting and grinning; Jerry was still sitting, looking off into the distance. Berry walked over and sat next to Jerry, the two hounds leaned into each other.

They slept a little, they rolled around in the sun, and they talked about all the places they wanted to go. Berry wanted to go to the big lake where all the other dogs were. "The big lake, to play with all of the other dogs?" asked Berry. Jerry considered then gave a head shake, "let's go to the little lake. You always get too excited and drink too much water and get sick. The little lake will be better for us." Berry knew that Jerry sometimes knew better, so Berry started walking towards the little lake. Jerry started walking that direction as well. They touched shoulders and leaned into each other, falling into pace with their familiar walk, both forgetting themselves in what came so naturally. Berry had the urge to go faster, but would feel Jerry start to fall when doing so. Berry kept pace and stayed with Jerry. After an hour, Jerry sat down. Noticing the sun going down Jerry said, "We can go in the morning. The little lake will be very nice in the morning." Berry lay down to sleep and Jerry stared off in the direction of the big lake.

Berry woke just as the sun was inching over the horizon and saw that Jerry was still sitting up, looking off into the distance. Jerry looked down at Berry, "you go on to the little lake. I need to stay here." Berry was surprised, they always went places together. Jerry insisted, "you go, have fun." Berry smiled. Jerry was always concerned about Berry being happy and that was nice. Berry barked, Jerry smiled, and Berry turned and ran towards the little lake. Berry ran the whole way, tongue wagging in the open air, speeding towards the little lake.

As Berry approached the little lake, the sun was reflecting of the water and into Berry. It was warm and bright and happy. Berry liked it there and ran around the edge of the lake, investigating it from every angle. Berry drank from the lake and met some of the other animals, although very few of them were dogs. Some of the animals were jumping in the lake and swimming. Berry wanted to, but Jerry was alone and Berry was worried. Berry took one last lap around the lake and then started back to where Jerry was.

Berry ran the whole way back and found Jerry where they had spent the night. Jerry was just getting up from lying down and seemed to have been sleeping. Jerry saw Berry and smiled, Berry smiled back and barked. Jerry barked. They looked at each other for a moment and then Berry went and sat next to Jerry. They leaned into one another and fell back into that comfort they each loved so much. They slept throughout the most of the night. Just before dawn, Berry half-woke from a bad dream and whimpered. Jerry, without waking, reached out a paw and touched Berry on the top of the head. Berry calmed and Jerry leaned in closer. They both went back to sleep.

The next morning, Berry awoke with excitement at what the day would bring. Jerry was up and staring off towards the little lake. Berry barked and ran off to find them some food. Berry returned and they ate. They walked a little ways together in the direction of the little lake, but did not get very far before Jerry wanted to sit again. Jerry sat and breathed deep. Berry sat too, leaning against Jerry. After a while Jerry looked to Berry and insisted he go to the little lake alone again. Berry wanted them to go together but Jerry would not go.

Berry ran to the little lake again, this time with a little less enthusiasm. When Berry got to the lake some of the other animals recognized and came to talk to Berry. There were more dogs at the lake today and they introduced themselves to Berry. They all played together, although Berry was a bit timid and almost felt guilty for having fun without Jerry. Berry even got into the water and swam a little, but not very far out and not for long. Time passed quickly while Berry was at the lake and soon it was time to return to Jerry.

Berry ran the whole way back and found Jerry exactly where they had been before. Again, Jerry was just sitting up and looked to have been sleeping. They smiled at each other, happy to once again be together. Berry sat and leaned into Jerry. They rested against each other and laughed and talked until they slept. They slept leaning against one another and they both enjoyed how good that felt.

The next morning, Berry woke again to find Jerry was already up. Jerry encouraged Berry to go to the little lake. Berry really wanted Jerry to go too, but Jerry could not be persuaded. Berry went to the little lake again without Jerry. The other animals had become friends to Berry and they all played together. Berry had fun, but was always worried about Jerry being alone. Berry never stayed as long at the little lake as the other animals for want to return to Jerry. Berry liked being with Jerry and didn’t mind leaving the new friends so they could be together. Berry wished Jerry could meet the new friends and play with them all together.

For quite some time did things continue this way, Berry going to the little lake alone and Jerry staying behind. Everyday Berry would have fun at the lake, but be worried for Jerry at the same time. Everyday Berry would return to where Jerry was and they would spend the nights together and they would enjoy it, as they got along so well.

One night Berry asked why Jerry never went to the little lake. Jerry said, “I’m not sure I even want to go to the lake anymore.” Berry asked many questions about the lake and what Jerry wanted, but Berry never fully understood what Jerry was trying to say. Berry would try to understand, Berry would always try. Jerry could see the concern in Berry’s eyes and said, “You should still go to the little lake though. If the little lake makes you happy than I want you to go as much as you want.” Berry smiled, touched at Jerry’s concern. Jerry wanted Berry to be happy at the little lake and that made Berry happy.

The two leaned in and relaxed into one another once again. They were dozing off together as Berry suddenly sat straight up, looking off into nothing, head cocked to one side. Jerry looked up at Berry, but said nothing. Berry was silent for a long moment, still looking off into nothing. Finally, Berry spoke.

“Jerry… I wanted to go to the big lake.”

warrior/poet

I was recently reminded of the words of the warrior/poet, Shan Yu. Only a few will know who he is with out the aid of an internet search engine. Anyway, the words were something akin to knowing someone for decades and never really meeting them until that person is faced with death. The actual quote is rather biased in gender and less applicable, so I won't quote it directly.

I understand the concept and could find myself in agreement on some occasions, depending on the person in question. I mostly disagree with the concept, though. My version of that quote would start something like:

"In the first year of knowing someone, they will tell you everything about who they are."

Then I have two possible follow ups. The first:

"The wise person listens and accepts that as truth."

The second:

"They will then spend the rest of their life trying to convince you that is not who they are."

I find that a lot of relationships are a mixture of both. One person deciding not to see faults and the other trying to be something other than who they are. Now, these are subconscious issues. Were they not, they would just simply be lying. Which, unfortunately is the basis of too many relationships. I don't mean lying to hide secrets or infidelities. I mean the really damaging lies. Like, "I respect your decision" and "I support you in whatever you decide to do."

Those are altruistic ideas, but lies none the less. You may want to support someone in everything they do, but as soon as they do something you think is not the best choice for them, you have two choices. The first is to step up and say what you feel. That you think what they are doing is a bad idea, a poor choice, a chicken-shit cop-out. The second is to go with the other damaging lie, "I respect your decision." Most people, unfortunately choose what's behind door number two. Then, every time the subject arrises, they must swallow everything they are feeling and wanting to say for fear of being caught in their lie. It is a wicked, wicked cycle. One I am increasingly surprised to find a lot of people I know stuck in.

This cycle is born out of two bad habits. One, thinking that you know better than others. Two, being afraid of being alone. Two things we are guilty of.

We shouldn't have given women or African Americans the right to vote.

You know what I take issue with? Giving people rights. I think its an antiquated idea. We shouldn't give homosexuals the right to marry. We shouldn't have given women or African Americans the right to vote. Giving people rights is absolute bullshit. We should RECOGNIZE people's rights, not be doling them out from some albino fat-cats up on high. It's time for the U.S. to own up to its mistakes and say "Yes we were wrong to deprive you of any rights, ever. We recognize that now." Instead, it comes off as under-served groups finally being good enough to join all the white guys. It's like letting the token black guy into your country club. Doesn't make your club any less despicable. This mentality, I believe, is a large contributor to the continuing inequality in this country. It's time to recognize this behavior and put an end to it.

This rant was brought to you by the meme I saw this morning, featuring two sheepish women, proclaiming "On this day in 1919, congress passed the 19th amendment that gave women the right to vote."

And yes, I purposely did not capitalize "congress" or "amendment". When either are deserving of it I will begin to capitalize them. Until then, it is my act of dissent. Quite ineffective and petty, but mine just the same.

Endings...

I sometimes have trouble identifying beginnings. I see endings crystal clear and can easily point them out in my life and in the lives of others. I know they are one and the same, endings and beginnings. I just forget that... in the moment. Once I remember I always feel much more at peace. I still mourn the ending, but am somewhat comforted knowing that the beginning is beyond.

Now I sit here and think... what is beginning that I cant see yet?