warrior/poet

I was recently reminded of the words of the warrior/poet, Shan Yu. Only a few will know who he is with out the aid of an internet search engine. Anyway, the words were something akin to knowing someone for decades and never really meeting them until that person is faced with death. The actual quote is rather biased in gender and less applicable, so I won't quote it directly.

I understand the concept and could find myself in agreement on some occasions, depending on the person in question. I mostly disagree with the concept, though. My version of that quote would start something like:

"In the first year of knowing someone, they will tell you everything about who they are."

Then I have two possible follow ups. The first:

"The wise person listens and accepts that as truth."

The second:

"They will then spend the rest of their life trying to convince you that is not who they are."

I find that a lot of relationships are a mixture of both. One person deciding not to see faults and the other trying to be something other than who they are. Now, these are subconscious issues. Were they not, they would just simply be lying. Which, unfortunately is the basis of too many relationships. I don't mean lying to hide secrets or infidelities. I mean the really damaging lies. Like, "I respect your decision" and "I support you in whatever you decide to do."

Those are altruistic ideas, but lies none the less. You may want to support someone in everything they do, but as soon as they do something you think is not the best choice for them, you have two choices. The first is to step up and say what you feel. That you think what they are doing is a bad idea, a poor choice, a chicken-shit cop-out. The second is to go with the other damaging lie, "I respect your decision." Most people, unfortunately choose what's behind door number two. Then, every time the subject arrises, they must swallow everything they are feeling and wanting to say for fear of being caught in their lie. It is a wicked, wicked cycle. One I am increasingly surprised to find a lot of people I know stuck in.

This cycle is born out of two bad habits. One, thinking that you know better than others. Two, being afraid of being alone. Two things we are guilty of.