Hooker's Dilemma

Hello darkness my old friend....

I don't know why, but I felt compelled to start this post with that line. Great song. Doesn't really reflect my state of mind right now, but still a great song. maybe it's because I'm sitting in an empty room this morning in complete silence, as most of my mornings begin.

You know what would be great? If I was here by choice... to work on things I choose to work on, not the things I do for money. I wonder if hookers experience the same problem. Do they, in the midst of being schtooped, think to themselves, "if only I was getting screwed by someone I really wanted to screw"? Maybe their vernacular is a little less tame than mine, but I wonder if the sentiment is the same.

The never ending dilemma of the "artist". How do I do what I love and make a living doing so. The short answer... just do it. I guess you could also call that the Nike answer. Maybe I should say "make it happen" instead. Be in control of your life. If others wont pay you to do what you love, find a way to pay yourself to do it. If no one wants to fuck a hooker and she wins the lottery, would she keep fucking? I bet she would!

I think the analogy has gotten away from me...

In any case, I believe in "make it happen". A "wise" (read drunk) person said those words to me and some friends long ago and when I look at the paths we have taken, I do believe the message was heard.

I try not to constantly spew fortune-cookie wisdom, but so much of it makes perfect sense:

Just do it
Make it happen
Never say never
If at first you don't succeed, change your definition of success (not commonly accepted as good advice, but can be with the right perspective)
Dance like no one is watching
Seize the day
Don't be afraid to make mistakes
Don't let fear rule your life
Don't give up
Try not to say don't so much
Surround yourself with people equally as crazy as you are
Look for the opportunity the universe provides you and grab it.
Let go of the past
Be who you are, unabashedly
Try not to ramble in blog posts
Forgive yourself when you do
Know when the joke is dead and quit beating it to death
Try


That's all I got.

Almost a Fantasy - a rare and rave review

Last night I went to see the second of 5 New York Fringe Festival shows I will see this week. The first was decent with fantastic acting, the third I expect to be decent, the fourth and fifth I don't have high expectations for. The second, however, "Almost a Fantasy" written by Michael Aguirre, directed by John Grabowski, and produced by Chelsea Rep LAB, is one of my favorites I've seen at Fringe in the last four years. Aguirre has written a play who's accomplishment seemingly surpasses the playwright's youth. No doubt the thoughtful, skilled direction and remarkable acting performance by Danijela Popovic are quite a boost in the presentation of the work.

The play chronicles the twenty year relationship between a piano teacher and her student. A snippet of early dialogue contains the phrase "inappropriate relationship" and I immediately feared I was going to be watching a Mamet/Harrower homage. Where most playwrights, even those far more seasoned, would go for the highest conflict Aguirre goes for something less sensational and achieves something far more honest and thought-provoking.

If you want more details, see the FringeNYC site or check out the reviews online via Google search. Better yet, go see it. Just go. If you're not moved, I'll pay for your ticket.

Mairzy doats...

"Mairzy doats and dozy doats and little lambsy divey"

Why is that stuck in my head today? Maybe its because I'm searching for something trivial to focus my thoughts on. That's probably also why my walking theme song this morning was "Mah-Na-Mah-Na". That can make for quite an entertaining morning by the way. Walk through the city streets of New York with that running through your mind and imagine it scoring everything you see. The woman fighting with three bags and a toddler becomes much more sadistically funny with a little "do-doo-do-do-do" after every foible. In fact, most of life's little pains-in-the-ass bear much less weight when marked with a hearty Mah-Na-Mah-Na and followed with a playful do-doo-do-do. That it is my exercise for the day, to score my life with a Muppet song.

It's stuck in your head now isn't it?

You're welcome :)

do-doo-do-do-do

"Deserve's got nothing to do with it."

When someone tells me what they think they deserve, sometimes I just laugh. When I tell someone what I think I deserve, sometimes I just laugh. Usually, its much later and after hours of introspective consideration. Sometimes it's after a good slap upside the head.

Deserve. Such an interesting word, such a loaded word. What do you deserve? Should you get what you deserve? To quote the man with no name, although some call him Will Munny, "deserve's got nothing to do with it."

Deserve is such a subjective thing that there can never be an absolute measure of what someone deserves. Although, we often have a crystal clear picture of what we feel we deserve from others.

I deserve a pony... and a kick in the ass. Will I get either? Probably not. Most likely just a dream and some verbal abuse. "Deserve's got nothing to do with it."

I deserve to be able to pursue my dreams and the art for which I was trained without having to split my focus with a "day job". Will that happen? Probably not anytime soon. I will most likely have to have a "day job" for quite some time. Most people who are responsible and are able to take care of  themselves will have to work. It's the price of being an adult. We all have to support ourselves. "Deserve's got nothing to do with it."

I wish we lived in a world where people got what they deserved, or at least could see more clearly what they deserved. It would be much easier to decide how to treat people, that's for sure. It would also take a lot of the nut-bags off the streets. It would also mean that we lived in a world with rules and order, which we don't. We have laws and morals, but ultimately we live in chaos. We make choices, we live with the result of those choices. Sometimes we can't see how bad or good the choices are for days, years, or a lifetime. All we can do is trust ourselves and act in a way that is best for us and others. The key word in that last sentence, "act". We must act. Sometimes it may be easier to sit at home and do nothing and blame all our problems on someone else. This will never come to any good, for ourselves or others. We must act, we must do things, we must take action within our own lives. If you want something, work for it. Don't expect someone else to give it to you. Act.

Kentucky teen tweets her way to possible jail time

Why is this interesting? Because she could go to jail for tweeting the names of two boys who sexually assaulted her and spread pictures of the act over the internet.

Yes... let it sink in... you read it correctly.

I know, right!

Here are a few more details of the story:
The seventeen year old victim passed out at a party.
Two under-eighteen males then assaulted her and took pictures.
The same two males distributed said pictures via the interwebs.
The two males plead guilty to felony sexual abuse and misdemeanor voyeurism. Sentencing is in August.
The hearing was in a juvenile court and therefore subject to confidentiality.
There was also a court order to not discuss the case outside the courtroom.
The victim felt the charges were too lenient.
The victim tweeted the names of the two boys and stated "if I have to go to jail for my rights, I will do it."
The lawyer for the two boys filed to have the victim charged with contempt of court.
The contempt charge has a maximum possible sentence of 180 days in jail and a $500 fine.
The boys were tried as "youthful offenders" which is akin to being tried as an adult. (adult proceedings have no confidentiality)


This info was gleaned from Sam Laird's article on Mashable.com. here.

In his article, Laird asks if the reader thinks the seventeen year old victim does or does not deserve jail time for tweeting the names of her attackers. Mr Laird, nice article... stupid question. Of course she does not. She does deserve to be found guilty, but not jail time. This is where "judicial discretion" comes into play. This is why the process of vetting judges is so important. This is why the judicial branch is a vital part of the U.S. Government. The judge in this case will have to look at the two boys who assaulted her, who are protected by this confidentiality of juvenile court, even though they were essentially tried as adults, and ask an important question. The question being, while the victim did in fact commit a crime, how much of an injustice was done? If I run out on a red light to pull someone from out in front of a speeding car, should I get a ticket for jaywalking? Should I be charged with assault for punching someone who is assaulting someone else? While each instance is technically a crime, are they truly and offence? An injustice? No, obviously not.

In a somewhat fitting scenario in my head, the judge hears the contempt charge, finds the victim guilty and orders her to pay the maximum $500 fine with no jail time. Then, the judge hands down sentencing for the two assailants, giving them both the maximum jail time allowable, ordering the two boys to register as sex offenders (which they likely wont have to do in this case) AND ordering them to pay the victim's $500 fine.

Actually, that's a silly idea of justice. I don't know what would be a just punishment for those two boys. I do know that the least of that punishment would be to have the world know their names.

UPDATE: The defense attorney has withdrawn the request that the victim be held in contempt.

Try.

Love yourself. 

MAKE PEACE with who you are at this moment in time. 

Listen to your heart. 

If you can't hear what it's saying in this noisy world, MAKE TIME for yourself. 

Enjoy your own company. 

Let your mind wander among the stars. 

Try.

Take chances.

MAKE MISTAKES.

Life can be messy and confusing at times, but it's also full of surprises. 

The next rock in your path might be a stepping-stone.

Be happy.

When you don't have what you want, want what you have. 

MAKE DO.

That's a well-kept secret of contentment. 

There aren't any shortcuts to tomorrow. 

You have to MAKE YOUR OWN WAY.

To know where you're going is only part of it. 

You need to know where you've been, too.

And if you ever get lost, don't worry.

The people who love you will find you. 

Count on it.

Life isn't days and years. 

It's what you do with time and with all the goodness and grace that's inside you. 

MAKE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE...

The kind of life you deserve.

I was reminded of this today. The words come via a wonderful woman who no longer graces this earth.

Pretenders

So... let's say you're a painter.. You have basic technique, but haven't mastered it and haven't continued to study. You slap some paint on a canvas and take your painting to the gallery. You hang your painting on the wall and then stand next to it and wait for people to view it. The crowd arrives and people begin to walk through the gallery. Friends arrive and they see you and tell you how great your work is. Others arrive and they take in the work. While they're taking it in, you jump in with "I painted this!" They smile, raise their eyebrows as they nod as answer with "It's nice, I like it." You smile and they move on to the next piece of work. Others stop and you do the same, they answer similarly. After many people telling you they like it, you begin to feel more confident with your work. More people view the work and you are feeling good about it. They stop to look and you say "Isn't it great?", gleaming with pride. They nod, smile and move along.

A woman arrives and looks at your painting. You chime in with "Isn't it great?" She is taken by surprise and says, "I don't know, I'm trying to look at it." You respond with, "I painted it!" She says, "congratulations" and returns to view your work. You jump in with the most dangerous of questions, "do you like it?" She shrugs, purses her lips and says... "not particularly." She looks you in the eye and says "there are great instincts here, but you're still learning. I'm excited to see your work as you continue to grow as an artist." You shrink back as if slapped and can only muster, "oh'" She smiles and moves along to take in other works.

Is she a bitch? Is she jaded? Jealous? Honest? Unafraid to say what she feels in spite of being put on the spot?

What about you? Are you an artist? Are you as good at what you do as you think? Do you want to challenge yourself to grow? Do you want the praise? Do you just need the attention?

Tell me.